© 2019 Bob Hostetler

At a recent writers’ conference, I enjoyed my first “speed dating” experience.

Maybe I should clarify. “Yes, you should,” my wife says.

In these “speed dating” sessions, writers sat down for rapid-fire five-minute appointments with editors, agents, and authors. I met with writers to hear a pitch or answer a question before a whistle (yes, an actual whistle) signaled the end of the encounter.

It was nerve-wracking, but it got me thinking about some of the ways in which obtaining a literary agent is like dating.

1. First impressions are important.

First impressions can make or break you. It may not be fair, but if I see a hundred other agents in the “TO” field of your email, you just gave me an easy “no.” If I meet you at a conference and you repeatedly call me “Steve,” I’ll feel insulted. If I first encounter you on Twitter, and your tweets are toxic or rude, I’m unlikely to greet your book idea favorably.

2. There’s no accounting for taste. 

No matter how desperately you may want to get an agent, if I’m not excited by your genre or style or hook or plot, you want me to say “no thanks.” You want an agent who “gets” you, someone who is excited by you and what you do, much of which is subjective.

3. It pays to listen.

On my first date with the woman who became my wife, we took a long walk and then sat on a bench and talked. I was enchanted. You may not be enchanted by a prospective agent, but you should listen. Closely, in fact. Pay attention to his or her guidelines and preferences. I’m always amazed at pitches and submissions that reveal inattention to what I say.

4. Courtesy and respect go a long way. 

The best and longest-lasting relationships are based on mutual courtesy and respect. So I’m occasionally mystified when, having replied to an unsolicited submission with a polite “no thank you,” I am accused of not having read it, not giving it the time it deserved, or not grasping its genius. Why would I want a client who makes such accusations?

5. First base is only first base. 

The typical process, like a dating relationship, involves a lot of getting to know, understand, and like each other. It also typically requires some tutoring. When I see a promising proposal from a writer, we may go back and forth for weeks—even months—before we tie the knot, so to speak. And then, of course, it could take nine months or more for the first “baby” to come. But that’s a different metaphor entirely.
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Bob Hostetler is an award-winning author, literary agent with the Steve Laube Agency, and speaker from southwestern Ohio. His fifty books include Don’t Check Your Brains at the Door (co-authored with Josh McDowell) and The Bard and the Bible: A Shakespeare Devotional. He is also the executive director of the Christian Writers Institute.